An almost completely, virtually, practically, literally true play, in four acts. It takes place in an ordinary kitchen.
Act I
Spooky music starts.
Telephone rings.
Telephone rings again.
Homeowner enters from stage left.
Spooky music gets louder.
Telephone: Call from wireless source.
Homeowner looks on in horror!
Telephone: Call from wireless source.
Homeowner: What the????
Telephone: Call from wireless source.
Homeowner: (tentatively picking up receiver) Hello?
Telephone: This is Grandma Ann.
Act II A few minutes later.
Homeowner: Where is that telephone instruction manual? Aha! Here.
Homeowner rifles through booklet, pushes buttons on telephone receiver, and hangs it up.
Homeowner: I stopped it.
Act III Later that day.
Homeowner walks into kitchen.
Associate Homeowner: (from behind a computer) It’s still talking.
Homeowner: I stopped it.
Associate Homeowner: It’s still talking.
Act IV The next day.
Associate Homeowner: Maybe you didn’t really stop it.
Homeowner: (Picks up receiver and pushes buttons.) See, it says ‘Off.’
Associate Homeowner: Maybe it has two voices.
Associate Homeowner picks up instruction manual and begins reading instructions.
Associate Homeowner: You have to turn the base unit off, too.
Homeowner picks up receiver and pushes more buttons.
Homeowner: Now I stopped both of them!
Victorious music begins.